the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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