I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize