Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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