I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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