I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
