All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
