Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
