So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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