Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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