what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
you never un-have a 4some
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
