He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize