All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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