Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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