he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
