I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
