im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
