I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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