i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
