come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
