she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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