my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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