My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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