he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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