saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
