Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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