Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
