Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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