Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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