We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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