I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
