At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
