I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
