now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize