i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I will pee on everything he values.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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