Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
