Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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