drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
