five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
