Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
