She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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