Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize