The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
