Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
