Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
