i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
