mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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