so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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