It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
my liver is dry heaving
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
