Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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