Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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