My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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