I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
