yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
