Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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