Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
