can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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