I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize