i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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