Your mouth is God's brothel.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
