I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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