Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize