We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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