I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
