so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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